Hollows

Depression does not equal sadness. For some people, maybe it does. For me, it very much does not. I think the stereotype that depressed people are laying in bed all day, weeping, is inaccurate. When i’m depressed there isn’t one tear to cry.

For me, depression equals hopelessness or, as my friend and I refer to it, the hollows.

Depression creeps up like autumn does in September. You feel the warm days giving way to chilly nights & start to fear the winter. You feel it in your soul.

Depression sneaks in slowly and then all at once. It’s a wave that crashes over you & steals the warmth from your bones.

Depression steals the sun from the sky.
Depression steals who you have known yourself to be.
Depression leaves you a shell of a person you can’t even remember being.

Anxiety

Anxiety. Being afraid of being afraid of something you know it does not make sense to be afraid of.

Anxiety. Replaying conversations over in your head for days after because you know you sounded like an idiot & the person you we’re talking to will probably never want to speak to you again.

Anxiety. Being afraid of any small thing, good & bad, your body feels because the bad feelings mean you are dying & the good feelings are your body readying you for your swift death.

Anxiety. Staying up sun rise to moon set because you had a dream that was definitely a premonition & something catastrophic is sure to happen if you close your eyes.

Anxiety. The destroyer of worlds.

Most everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point or another but it isn’t spoken of out if fear of sounding foolish or being brushed away.

Don’t let your anxiety over your anxiety keep you from reaching out. We’re here. to listen. We’re here to help. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Parade

You ask if I’m getting out if bed today, with attitude, as if I am the laziest person alive. Yes, I am getting out of bed today & I want a fucking parade because it will take every ounce of me to step out of that bed & to put my feet on the floor. It will take every ounce of me to fake my existence with perfectly timed smiles & pretending to sneeze when I feel water burning behind my eyeballs. It will take every ounce of me to keep up with conversations while working so hard to detangle the black thoughts that haunt my mind. I deserve a fucking parade.

Hello! Hello! We’re Here!

Hello, hello! It’s Stacey here. We’re so sorry to have kept you guys in the dark for the past few months. Life catches up sometimes and its hard to juggle everything especially the good things like this website. We want you to know that we didn’t forget about you and we certainly hope you didn’t forget about us.

You Are Remarkable will always be here for you, just not as frequent as we would like. Kelly, the mother of YAR, doesn’t want the feel good revolution to die, so with my help and hopefully yours, we can keep things going! Working multiple jobs and running a website is not an easy feat, so stay tuned for YAR in the future. We are going to do our best to update you with good feelings, positive declarations and all around wonder. We just need to plan a better way to still stay strong at the end of every day for you guys because when things get tough, YAR will be there to pick you up and make you see how remarkable you truly are!

Currently Kelly is traveling back from a glorious retreat in Jamaica among other things. She is working hard teaching young kids to appreciate literature, learning and setting up the process of keeping bees, exploring and traveling (soon to Portugal!), writing and planning to publish, disconnecting from the matrix to connect with the real people around her, and of course, always learning to love herself more. To follow along on her adventures, follow her on Instagram.

As for myself, I’m not living the dream like Kelly while traveling around (I wish!). I’m staying close to home to work my butt off. I’m currently working two jobs as an English professor and a tutor for young students. Struggling with the day to day pressure of trying to encourage people to appreciate learning is both beautiful and disheartening. This is why I think the world needs You Are Remarkable now more than ever! I’m also currently working on photography, art, and writing again. To see some of my work, you can visit my website Pale Beans.

Once again, we’re so very sorry to have disappeared. Kelly and I, along with the help of our other contributors, and of course, any new ones who want to join our team, will do our best to make the feel good revolution alive again. If you have any ideas or thoughts, please send them our way. You may comment below or email us at youareremarkablerevolution@gmail.com.

We love you and miss you and hope to hear from you soon!

Remember Me

I think, too often, of how I wish to be remembered. I want, first, to be remembered in scent seeing that it’s so closely tied to memory. I want a scent of lavender & roses to cause people to take pause & think of me. In that way I’ll be remembered as a summer’s day. I want certain songs to dance across my friend’s eardrums as they think how I used to hum along to such songs. It’s harder for me to think of the lasting impression I will make; the impression those who never met me will have when my name comes up in stories. I want to be remembered as a source of light, that hazy golden time of day that washes troubles away. I want to be remembered as someone unique, a creator of my own realms of reality. I want to be remembered as strong, slaying demons with my words & encouraging others to do the same. I want to be remembered as a hurricane, a force to be reckoned with. Above all I want the sound of my name to cause a warming comfort in those who hear it.

-kc.

may flowers.

it’s may, a month to finally shake off all of your winter blues. we’re on the other side. we’ve made it through another relentless winter. now it is time to let go of any negative energy you have left from the cold season & refocus yourself on the positives. look towards the sunny days, sun showers, longer days, summer vacation (!!!), & making each moment count. what is it about spring that rejuvenates the soul? ask the flowers, ask the trees, ask the creatures you see worshipping the sun. now, what are you doing still on the internet?! go get outside & soak up them rays!!!

everything changes.

everything changes & it’s exciting & lovely & such an alluring part of life. everything happens for some reason. everything will work out & it will be such a beautiful ending to an adventurous tale. when things feel awful it’s hard to see the outcome. it’s hard to stay positive & stretch our limbs to the sky each day. people leave, we leave, & it’s always hard because you think: why didn’t they love me? what did i do wrong? do they care? what about me? & you let those questions, each question, hollow you out a little more until your body is the heaviest hollow there could be. you can feel the question, each question, ache in different parts. why didn’t they love me, how could they love someone more? it aches in your belly, keeps you from eating. what did i do wrong? your constant retelling of every moment spent together, analyzing, it aches your whole skull. do they care? the thought that they don’t care, that they don’t think about your needs or worries or wants, well that aches in all the limbs. these aches make us weak, they keep us in bed fearing sleep. they keep us from telephones, from computers, from friends. because ‘why did they leave, why did they leave me?’   we are self centered by nature. people exist in our lives because they are meant to. each person, lovely or awful. they exist for exactly the amount of time they should. they teach us things. little things, extraordinary things about ourselves, our lives, the everything around us. that doesn’t make it easier to say good bye. it doesn’t make it easier to think that they have finished their task, made you stronger, & we must be strong. we must be strong. you exist, & it is extraordinary.

positive/negative

let go, let go. how much do positive & negative thoughts effect our lives? if we think positive thoughts will positive things happen? if we think negative thoughts will negative things happen? manifestation; the law of attraction. sometimes it’s so hard to not think negatively. negative thoughts just seep into our heads. we don’t call for them. they just come when we see a boy or girl who we love who doesn’t love us back or when we door poorly on a big project. they come when we are cut off by a bad driver or when someone is rude to us. let it go, let it go. breathe in, breathe out. some people suggest replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. sometimes this is quite hard to do because your negative thought is so consuming. try this: take a breath in, through your nose. a deep breath. hold it for five seconds & as you breathe out think or say ‘let it go, let it go, let it go.’ now take deep breaths until this feeling/thought has left your mind. feel these breaths start calming your body. it does take practice. the first time you try this you might feel settled until you stop & the thought races back into your brain. breathe deep again. let it go, let it go, let it go. it may seem silly, but try & try & try again. it will come easier. promise.

congratulations.

congratulations, you’ve made it.
you’ve made it another second, another minute, another day, another month. go ahead & take a deep breath. breathe in the season. breathe in the colour of the trees. breathe in the sweet smell of the season. breathe in the air. breathe in life. you’re life. it’s your life. you’re living it & it’s wonderful because we need you. you exist because we need you. who is this “we”. we, your friends, your enemies, your family, your new loves & your old ones too. the animals in their burrows, the animals in the trees. everything that is animate & tangible. you exist because they need you to exist. there is a fine balance in everything. the good, the bad. we need the bad so we appreciate the good. you cannot have one without the other. without the awful feelings we wouldn’t know the good feelings. & oh my god those bad feelings can make you want to dig yourself into the ground & not come out till there is promise of summer, something lighter. those bad feelings, we wish we didn’t need them but we do. we need those bad feelings & we need you. we all need to allow ourselves to feel the things we feel. & we need to really feel them. we need to be present in our feelings to be able to identify them. once we can identify them we can start to figure out how to get rid of them. congratulations, you’ve made it.
each second is an accomplishment
& we believe in you.

the sound of making magic.

have you ever had the pleasure of hearing the glass trees? the way the clink and chime throughout a silent world? that sound is magic. when everything is still the trees sing a quiet melody that reminds you how fragile life is. you see, in order for the trees to make this noise they music be covered in ice. skeleton trees are weak & this ice weighs down the branches, threatening destruction. the most beautiful things are always the most dangerous. i remember the storm. we had just said goodbye to that dear soul, eyes still wet with tears. we heard the trees singing, beautiful and quiet.  we listened. the icy rain fell in perfect rhythm. the trees started to scream. the ice was too heavy and the branches snapped under the weight. the limbs snapped under the weight. full trees snapped under their weight. the city was alive with shattering glass punctuated by the explosion of transformers. the city glowed. i thought of your spirit making it’s mark on the city before it traveled into it’s next life. i thought of how beautiful the world looked- shattered. i thought of that beautiful music & i started to hum.

abstain/devour.

a new year can be a fresh start or it can be just another day. some people look forward to 1/1 & see it as a chance to start over. other’s feel as though waiting 365 days to start over is silly & that there shouldn’t be a specific date to choose to change. i have fallen into both these groups but this year i’ve chosen a fresh start.

for me 2013 was stale. it just was. 2013 was a year of readjusting & of getting settled. it was a year of turning down invites and choosing to sit for endless hours on the couch passively glued to Netflix. i spent the majority of 2013 feeling discontent but also feeling too lost in this to put the effort into making the year memorable-to make it count.

2013 came.
2013 went.

life happens so quickly, you blink & you have missed a year. i don’t want to miss another year. there is a margaret atwood quote that i fell upon as 2013 was coming to an end which captured my feelings toward 2013/2014 perfectly.

“last year i abstained
this year I devour
without guilt
which is also an art.”

in 2014 i will make an effort to force myself off of the couch and out of my comfort zone. i will reconnect with old friends who i find myself missing. i won’t turn down (as many) invitations, even when i’m feeling too tired to go out. this year i will be more selfish, more hedonistic. i will focus on chasing the things that make my life feel light. i will pursue my interests instead of just re-pinning them. i will drink more water and read more books. this year i will pilot my life.

this year i will live.
this year i will devour.

mindy kaling- with love

dear mindy,

hello, i love you. you save me from my dark thoughts & feelings of sadness. i discovered the mindy show after a pizza-induced hulu fest. it was love at first watch. with each new episode i fell even more in love with you. i think, just maybe, you are my spirit animal. your presence on my television, phone, or computer screen instantly takes me out of a blue mood.

mindy, you’ve given me a new lease on life! you make me feel okay about my love of celebrity gossip & cake. you make me feel less self-loathing towards my thick-thighs & short stature. you’ve shown me it’s okay to be a hardworking female who pursues her interest & the loves she wants. you’re amazing. your characters are amazing, hilarious, relatable, strong women which i like to assume you are in ~*rEaL LiFe*~.

mindy kaling, i have long tried to ‘be more beyonce’ but lately i’ve been trying to ‘be more mindy’ & i’ll tell you, i like it.

next time you’re in massachusetts let’s hang out & be friends.

uncreepily yours,
k.

love letters.

dear xxxxx,

i dream about your hands on my body & the things you would do if i only asked. if only i could spend less time in my mind. we sit, nightly, thigh to thigh & silently i scream “i love you” until my throat burns with the trapped words & my face grows flush. i take your actions for granted until something entirely different makes me angry & i decide you’re the reason. then tears form as i realize you are nothing but kind towards me & i deserve far worse than anything you’ve ever done. me, with my irrational fears & unspoken feelings. me, with my missed opportunities furthering the space between us. i deserve to be better, for you. i deserve to be happy, for me. i only hope that, telepathically, we are connected & that you really do hear my love, my apologies, & that you feel my burning desire towards you. let’s make this our year.

love, xxxxx

dear, love.

dear ,

i know, i know that the days are feeling shorter and your life is feeling darker. oh wait, i mean: i know the days are getting darker and your life is getting shorter. i know that in the morning it’s hard to leave your warm bed either because you don’t want to walk into the cold temperatures or because you don’t want to wake up and have to face the world. i know that it’s hard to paint a smile on each day but if you do it long enough it will become second nature and if you do it long enough, trust me, you’ll start to feel it deep into your frozen bones. i know when you look in the mirror you think of the days when you were thinner or when you had less marks on your face. i know every day there is the debate whether to paint yourself in makeup or to not and accept the usual “you look tired” “you look sick” comments from people that hardly matter. it makes people uncomfortable to see your inner pain showing on your face. show them. let them see. make them uncomfortable. stop hiding. you’ve grown so used to hiding that you feel you don’t deserve to be seen. hello, hello there…you deserve to be seen. you deserve to been seen all your guts and all your glory. show it all.

there is no reason to hide.

love,

thank you.

thanksgiving, thanksgiving. some of us cringe at the thought of holidays, all that commercialism and cheer. some of us rejoice, letting the spirit of the season take us. whichever side you fall on, let’s focus on what the holidays are really a time for. thanksgiving is a time for giving thanks! giving thanks seems so simple but it isn’t always. sometimes it’s hard to express gratitude. we usually think about the people or the things we’re thankful for but we often over look the experiences. this holiday season try to focus on it all. let yourself be grateful to all of the things that have helped or guided you along the way. you may be thankful for simple things like your parents or best friend, or tougher things like a painful relationship from which you’ve grown. you know, it’s even okay to be thankful for yourself. sometime’s we’re too nervous to express the things we’re really thankful for to the people we’re thankful for. we may fear it sounds too corny or we may be unable to access the ones we would like to give thanks to. sometime’s the words ‘thank you’ don’t seem like enough. i promise you, they’re enough. . 

Better.

Come out, come out from under those covers. It will only get better if you force your limbs to move even if it’s just the walk from your bed to your shower-wash yourself new.  Force that sound out of your voice box. Sometimes we forget we are capable of making sounds other than yelling or crying. Come out, come out. Call your friends & make plans. When we’re sad it’s hard to do anything at all but we must. We must. Remember, we have all felt sad/lost/empty before & eventually it does get better. Eventually we rebuild & we grow but it takes effort. It’s hard to exert any energy at all when you feel hollow & helpless. Each step, each word, each breath feels like a week’s worth of energy. Start little by little but start you must. We must force ourselves to fight for our happiness. For some of us it does not always come naturally. We must not let our sadness consume us, to steal our fragile souls. Come out, come out from under those covers. Listen close, it will get better.

pure.

close your eyes. imagine yourself clear, pure & powerful. imagine yourself glowing. wait, you are glowing! feel the life inside you. breathe deep. feel the world fill your lungs. breathe out, expel your negative feelings. ‘let it go, let it go, let it go’. open your wide eyes & take the beauty of everything in. you are pure. you are powerful. you are new.

warmth.

span time. everything feels warm. the air feels warm. your body feels warm. that music feels warm. the mornings feel warm. the room feels warm. warm, maybe the adjective should be: comforting or safe or loved. everything changes in a second. there is a jar of tobacco on the dresser. offerings to the creator. the creator of what? ‘the creator’, in the sense of learning whoever/whatever you want it to be. you are the creator. there can be many creators. create your world. warmth.

vices/trying.

it’s hard. it’s hard to break a comfort especially when you’ve seen the great negative effects that could come (well, in your mind they WILL come there is no doubt) from breaking this comfort. it’s terrifying & it can make you sick & everyone acts like it’s easy. everyone acts like you’re awful for keeping things where they are. ‘it’s not healthy!’ ‘it’s not….’ not & not & how do you know what it is & what it isn’t. you count. everything. you count. a constant math equation that fails to ever equal a number you find fit. subtract again. rearrage the numbers or rearrange your will. there is never any credit given for trying, trying & failing. better luck next time. ‘it isn’t even hard’. it is one vice created when everything was uncertain so it will forever bring a comforting familiarity. another way to detatch. it’s terrifying to change. especially when you’ve seen the negative effects… ‘i’m trying.’

free.

YOU ARE FREE. FREE YOURSELF FROM YOUR CONSTRAINTS. POOF! THEY ARE ALL GONE. FREE YOURSELF FROM FEAR. POOF! IT’S GONE. FREE YOURSELF FROM YOURSELF & LEARN TO BECOME YOURSELF. DONE. now let’s start over. let’s start with nothing holding us back. we are weightless & we are pure. think: what have you always wanted to do? hold that thought tight. behind closed eyes. let the thought travel through your veins. let that thought grow with the energy that is within your body. let it grow until your tiny limbs can’t keep it in. set it free. you’ve send that want into the world now go, chase it, make it true.  capture that energy back through the experience that the want has led you to. think: what have you always wanted to be? breathe in, deep. feel that air filling up every nook & cranny of your body. breathe in & let that want fill every poor, every wrinkle, every imperfection. let that want bring you up further into the sky. exhale. soar down to earth on the breeze of your want. when your feet touch the soil you are that want. you are what you have always wanted to be. YOU ARE FREE.