Love Letter

The moment I knew I was falling for you was back in March when we started talking. I remember you standing against the lockers waiting for me to leave English. I saw you and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world knowing that you where waiting for me. You made up some excuse for not having your phone which was met by my eye rolls because of course I was skeptic of you, I was insecure of myself and of our status as you where a year older and undeniably cool. I remeber it was raining as we walked out the doors under the covered awnings you apologized for being so distant. I didn’t know what to say and I just walked off without a goodbye into the pouring rain, running to my bus parked all the way across the parking lot. But then I heard your voice shouting my name from the other side of the parking lot. There you were standing in the middle of the pouring rain in the midst of all those people with your pockets pulled out revealing that they where totally empty. “Promise ya” you shrugged your hair now flat against your forehead, clothes drenched I couldn’t help but give you my best optimistic grin and you returned letting the smile break across your face like the dawn breaking against the inky night. Since you’ve been gone though, it feels like I’m just standing there in the rain, but this time you just won’t turn around. Like you can’t see how patiently I’m waiting for you to realize that I’ve been here, and I always will be here because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else except waiting for you. Counting down the seconds until I get to see your brown eyes like flairs out against the dark night beckoning me home.

The thing about it is I know we aren’t supposed to work. I know that I’m supposed to let you melt into oblivion and dispute into a foggy memory, but I can’t do that. I physically can’t just let you go like I’ve been told. You’re so alive. You’re so ridiculously alive, and you embrace your mortality like no one I’ve ever met though you build your walls up so high. You’re this modern day muse I’ve stumbled upon, and without you my poetry is bland and devoid of meaning. I know that we shouldn’t be together though, I know that your obsession with drugs and your defiance of any and all rules and lack of concern aren’t good or healthy. That you’re fixation with destruction always leads us to the same conclusion. I’ve gotten you stuck in my teeth and trapped in my head. The thought of you getting high in your room all alone makes my chest feel tight, and thinking about you kissing a different girl goodnight makes me want to jump from the top of my roof just to land in your arms. Everyone tells me to just leave you alone but I can’t, trust me I wish I could. Most days it feels like I’m drowning, but when you come around, oh god when you come around the suns shining and everything is clear and bright and restored. When you come around I want to take you dancing and make you realize that you are everything.

We both know it gets harder, and we grow older, and I never really see you when you’re sober. Everything just leads me back to you though. I have to believe that this is love because why else would I do it? Why else would I jump every time the phone rings because I’m scared it’s one of your friends telling me you aren’t okay? Why would I stay up all night waiting for you to tell me you’re home safe? Why would I repeatedly let myself get heartbroken, stood up, and let down? Crying in the B-hall bathroom in between classes, and in the parking lot before school. I’ve made some bad choices because of you, sometimes I can still see that grey Honda and his black leather seats, feel his hand sliding up my thigh to “get back at you.” I still can hear his voice telling me if I don’t smoke you won’t love me. I still remember the initial phone call that you where cheating on me and did I know that you’d been doing pills again? Did I know that you broke your wrist in a fight and you that you’d smashed your phone when you where high?

It’s not that I’m trying to fix you perhaps, it’s just that I don’t want to see you get hurt which sounds tacky and cliche, but you’ve got to believe me. You’re worth so much more then red eyes, and confusion, and phone calls you don’t remember making. You’re worth more then a few hundred dollars and bad decisions to get a buzz. It’s still surreal to me that you exists, that someone as perfect as you came into being, and is breathing the same air as me, and struggling with the same things that I am. I remember telling you about my parents splitting up and my mom cheating on my dad to have you tell me about your dad running away and your moms depression. How you didn’t understand how he could just leave you two, how you remember his green suitcase and instructions not to ring. I still remember you telling me how you’d make things up to me- but you still never have and I’m staring to think you never will.

I remember one night being out late with my mom, driving back with her from her boyfriends house when no one was out and her telling me that you need to be 100% sure when you take a risk that it has the possibility to be worth it. I know that it’s worth it for you. Skipping class and walking the track, taking your picture in the backset, the prospect of kissing those angel lips, the way your voice sounds on the phone, dancing with you to “medicine,” standing with you out on the balcony, wearing your green jacket. There’s not a single fiber of my being, not a single beat of my heart that conflicts with the thought that you are worth it, all of it. You’re worth crying over to “7,” that day of in school suspension, you’re worth the band aids on my legs from falling off a skate board because I was trying to impress you. You’re worth getting bailed on, you’re worth the worry. I don’t care if I’m the only girl from high school that’s still in love with you as long as I’m the last. I don’t care how many friends I lose, how many plans I get left out of. I don’t care what I’ve got to lose.

Cause someday somewhere in the future in this life time it will be perfect. I’ll have you cuddled up against me as the sun rises out our apartment window and the sky starts turning all different shades of pink and orange, bathing us in light and the prospect of a new day. I’ll have your nicotine lips, I’ll have you in art galleries and in concerts, and in coffee shops, and in quiet moments dancing aorund the kitchen. Trust me I know it’s been 28 days but I’d spend 28 years waiting for you and this future that we’re going to create. Some day somewhere out there we’re happy, we’re together. We made at work, and we’re far away from this town and I’ve stopped doing all those things my friends beg me not to do because all along it was only ever for you.

–Samantha Sullivan

Anxiety

Anxiety. Being afraid of being afraid of something you know it does not make sense to be afraid of.

Anxiety. Replaying conversations over in your head for days after because you know you sounded like an idiot & the person you we’re talking to will probably never want to speak to you again.

Anxiety. Being afraid of any small thing, good & bad, your body feels because the bad feelings mean you are dying & the good feelings are your body readying you for your swift death.

Anxiety. Staying up sun rise to moon set because you had a dream that was definitely a premonition & something catastrophic is sure to happen if you close your eyes.

Anxiety. The destroyer of worlds.

Most everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point or another but it isn’t spoken of out if fear of sounding foolish or being brushed away.

Don’t let your anxiety over your anxiety keep you from reaching out. We’re here. to listen. We’re here to help. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Love Letter

Until you came and swept me away,
I taught myself not to fall in love again.

The unexplained feelings that cannot deny.
Feelings getting stronger that even genie cannot hide.

It’s like a knife strike into my chest,
Leaving a sadness that I cannot resist.
What am I supposed to do,
When all I want is to be with you.

-Eden Victoria Paladias

Love Letter

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love you. I love you so much that if I tried to really write how much I love you, I would be constantly writing for the rest of my life.

You bring out so much in me that I’m just beginning to see. It’s like when we are together, the rest of the world disappears, and nothing else matters but us. I hope I feel this way forever. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you with everything I have to give. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve someone as loving as you are. Do you know how long I have waited to have someone like you in my life?

It wasn’t luck that brought us together. You are a blessing to me and I wouldn’t trade the way I feel about you for anything in this world. You are the reason why I smile. You are the first thing on my mind when I wake up every morning, and you are the last thing I think about every night before I close my eyes, but our time together doesn’t end there because you are the only thing I dream about. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with you if you will allow me to. Nothing is too much to give you. I feel that if you’re not happy, then the world needs to stop until you are!

Baby, I just want to thank you for loving me like you do, and I am forever in your debt, just for you being good to me. You know, it is strange how I had to go through so many bad situations before you came into my life. I guess it really is true when they say good things come to those who wait because I’ve waited for someone like you all my life, and you really are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I just want you to know that I love you so much, and I want to be with you till death do us part! I love you, Baby Girl!

I Will Keep Waiting For You

I sometimes wonder what you’re doing, or whether you are thinking of me, like I’m thinking of you. I have been thinking of you for 20 years, since the day I was born, really.

You have been elusive to me in so many ways but, because none of my objects of infatuation turned out to be you, I feel as if life sometimes may have fooled me, yet I know you are out there. I mean, how could I have seen your face and still overlooked you? Or how could I have heard your voice utter words and not have found anyone that sounded like you? Are you in the stars every time I look up? Of course you are. You are the clouds in the skies, the songs the bird sing every morning. You are everywhere, really. I know you are real. I just constantly wonder why I have not found you yet.

Why haven’t I been able to say all that I want, show you all that I am, and give you all I have now? Why is time making us wait so long? We don’t know, because this is a factor beyond our control. I will always love you, Darling, and when we finally find each other, it will be God’s greatest reward.

So, wherever you are, know that I love you and you will be the one that lurked passionately in my dreams. Know that I am always longing for you and your presence. Know that you will always be everything to me. Even though I have not yet met you yet, I love you, my spirit lover.

Parade

You ask if I’m getting out if bed today, with attitude, as if I am the laziest person alive. Yes, I am getting out of bed today & I want a fucking parade because it will take every ounce of me to step out of that bed & to put my feet on the floor. It will take every ounce of me to fake my existence with perfectly timed smiles & pretending to sneeze when I feel water burning behind my eyeballs. It will take every ounce of me to keep up with conversations while working so hard to detangle the black thoughts that haunt my mind. I deserve a fucking parade.

Without

Tell me, do the androids seriously dream of electrical sheep? If not, then why do I dream so? You do not hear me. Every part of me has conjured up everything that can to tell you I’m sorry. I’m not crafty enough? The exhaustion has made me question my life. So I go forth with the equipment I have. As do you. I am no shining armor. Who has time to clean? I just wished you fought the fire with me, douche bag.

Within the void.
Robbie.

Love Letter

Words mean nothing. They are hollow. Everywhere I am constantly reminded of memories. Everywhere I look- trees, school, children, look that’s my mom – and all the memories of her, dad and all the experiences I’ve had with him. Have you ever ‘thought’ what your life is without memories, without labels, without experiences of the past, without past judgement and prejudice and feelings. Do you know what love is? What is love? What is it? In my experiences of the past I’m trapped, in the labels I cannot see clearly at the thing that I’m actually looking at. All the memories distort and contort it. My life becomes smothered by the memories of the past. And in realising this, this fact, I become a little more free. I am starting to see the real facts. How my perception is always wrong, just how conditioned(?) I am. When you go in to this, a lot of painful memories come back to you, even all the memories that have hurt you since your childhood start to come in. The accumulation of knowledge and memories is so great that I don’t see the things clearly. That fact is very obvious to me now. I see it. It’s like I’m blind. We all live this don’t we? But why? It’s such a pattern in our life- a habit, but it’s so so limited. It keeps us in constraints, I feel trapped in its monotony, its limited meaning which holds no meaning for me, because I’m not free. I’m not free of experiences and knowledge – they stifle me and life. I want freedom from this. I feel trapped, hidden, something inside me is dormant and intensely alive – like life inside me. It’s beautiful. It’s what keeps “me” alive too. I am life. “My” life which is the same life in everything else -intense but still and patient.

I don’t know what or why I wrote, it doesn’t have any significance for anyone who doesn’t understand any way. And I don’t know if anyone really does understand any of this. Again words are hollow and meaningless. Only thing of value is yourself. I go through life day in and day out in a pattern of thinking and feeling- all of which are my experiences and past always and in them I find ‘you’. You’re like an accumulation of all the knowledge I have about you so far. I think that’s horrible. That’s not you, or anyone. I know for fact that words will never really grasp you. (I know you hate talking and reading so much and rather just get on with your life and do what you like, but maybe one day if you ever really look, for yourself, you might find your own answers) I don’t hope for you, I don’t wish anything, the fact is I don’t know you at all, and what I mean by that is this- I see and look at you and see one thing- that thing that everyone sees as you- it’s quite natural- you’re either busy doing some work or something. Then I look closer, and maybe it’s your face or something almost superficial like that that keeps my eyes lingering around your face- I look closer. My thoughts interpret what I see. I label you with words and associate feelings towards ‘you’ and to me that’s you in my mind. I know full well that’s not really you. Because you are made of many other things that you identify as yourself and you have desires for your future, some image of who you are, and what you want, your past and all that. And even then, that’s not you because you are not the labels you put on yourself. It’s a bit like pulling back layers to get to ‘you’. So, I hope you get why I don’t know you. You will keep transforming and changing your labels and peel back layers here and there. But it’s like the main essence (life- is that what you would call it?) remains there. If there’s one thing I can say ‘I love’ or ‘is love’ is that- that life. And that’s you, and that’s me and that’s really everything. It’s intense but quiet and very patient. Maybe I’ll write more, but I don’t know when. I’m tired of thinking and writing right for now.

I know this makes little sense, buts that’s okay, I don’t expect nor want anyone to understand what I’m saying. I know some parts of this are true, maybe it’s just that I can’t express my thoughts clearly. Perhaps you need to go into this yourself and not be lead by what I have to say- maybe then you will make some sense of this.

My Love Letter

April 23, 2016

Dear Jacob M.

I’m afraid to admit that it’s still there, the feeling I had for you. And it never went away, it’s always there hiding to come out afraid to ruin a friendship. I’m afraid, I’m also afraid to hurt myself because there’s no day that I’m hurt, there’s no day that I keep thinking if anyone really cares about me, there’s no day that I feel sad or alone, there’s no day that I want to scream or cry. There’s no day that I stop thinking about you, wishing to be with you, hearing your beautiful voice, seeing your gorgeous smile, there’s no day that I stop loving you.

There, I finally spilled it out but who the heck am I to you right? I’m just someone you know, someone you met at least three years now, a schoolmate and a friend. I know and it’s clear that I stand no chance to be in a higher position in your life, not higher than a known friend. What the heck? Even how much I tell myself things, even how much I push myself to hate you to dislike you, even how million things I think bad of you, curse you, kill you in my head every second of the day, the very last second, still tells me that I love you. See I’m crazy, maybe I need to consult a neuro, right? Because maybe I’m just hallucinating or I already have a tumor.

There’s so many things that I want to tell you, ask you. But I’m clueless now. And I know you’re also clueless of all of this because that’s you. I want to tell you how much I want to hug you, how badly I want to talk with you, listen to your voice, to sit beside you and how badly I want to see you every day. And I want to ask how’s your day? I want to greet you good morning, good night. I want to have lunch and dinner with you. I want to know you more. And I want to ask if I stand a chance to be not just a friend, not just a classmate, not just someone you know, but someone who will be there for you in your good or bad days, I want to be that someone who will freely and proudly cheer for you when you have games, someone who will listen to your problems, someone who’ll share your success and even failure, someone who’ll be a part of you. But who am I kidding??? It will be a very, big, huge, gigantic miracle to happen. It’s just me, having my hopes up for someone impossible, something will never happen in this lifetime.

But even how impossible things can be, I’m just here for you. Maybe you’re not aware or you even don’t know I exist in that kind of matter. But I’m happy for you, I’ll be happy for what makes you happy. I’ll just be proudly cheering you in the corner, I’ll just be giving you good luck and happy thoughts in a distance, and I’ll just be here behind you, always.

And I’ll just love you from a distance

Love,
Mrys

A Love Letter

You always complain that I can’t make up my mind. It’s true, but it still drives me crazy. All I know, is that when you ask me what I want, one thing stays in the back of my mind. It’ll never happen, but it’s there. All I want is your hands in my hair, my back against the wall, and no cares in the world but us. All I want is you.

A New Poem

Mark the page of the dictionary, darling, so that I’ll never forget the word to describe you

You will always be my definition of love
Whenever someone asks me
What love feels like,
I will smile.
You.
It feels like you. Your hand,
Firm, protection,
Around my waist. Just above the
Curve of my hip.
Like you were putting the
Pieces of me
Together and turning every
Dream I’d ever had into
A vision of
Technicolour.
A spectrum of light and you were
Every shade.

-Amy Beecham

To see more from Amy, visit her blog The Girl and the Words or her Twitter page.

Love Letter

I painfully love you. I know we will never ever be together, but I sincerely wish you knew how gradually my love for you is killing me and making me die slowly day after day.

We used to be able to talk and joke together. We used to look at each other without any soupçon of malaise when discussing our work. You would advise me on how to carry out my duties and I always felt comfortable asking you any questions when I was unsure. You would always have something nice to say.

Every second you were in my presence were the most beautiful. Without you knowing, I would discreetly make love to you and still without you knowing, I would close my eyes for a brief moment and feel you as close to me as possible.

Without you knowing, I fell for you. I fell for the most delicious heart. Without you knowing, I fell and the pain has now become so unbearable because one day it all stopped and this is when it all changed.

You started avoiding my gaze when we occasionally met and you gradually stopped talking with me. Me, I started longing, wanting and missing you so much that thinking of you now only brings me sadness, tears and a broken heart.

I will never know what your lips taste of, how beautiful your scent is, how warm your body feels against mine and how tight and long you could hold me against your chest.

All I know is that I am loving you alone and I have never felt so lonely. I just wish you knew.

Anxiety

Anxiety has been a part of my life since before I had the language for it. Over the years it will wax & wane— sometimes for good reason but oftentimes (and more frustratingly) out of nowhere. In July I got really sick, or at least I felt really sick, but no trip to the ER or urgent care returned any results. In August, I had panic attacks more frequently than I’d had in years & I started to worry about the snow & how I would handle the winter blues if I couldn’t handle the summer. I got so frustrated with myself— “my life is better than ever, why can’t I just be a human?” & I forced myself to conquer fears (hi, I have stage fright but I’m gonna act in front of a bunch of strangers for the first time ever at 28) just to prove to myself that I could. The only thing that ever really helps my anxiety is yoga (mind) & eating clean (body) so I decided to commit myself to both for 30 days using the #whole30challenge (no sugar, carbs, booze, etc). To most people this was stupid (I get it) & I don’t know if these things really “cleanse” anything physical, but for me— it’s a mental reset, a challenge to conquer just so I know I can. I don’t believe any diet or lifestyle is right for every person, & I don’t believe in shoving your choices (even your good ones) down other people’s throats (sorry, crossfit friends) but I think if you can find something that fixes your shit you should make it a priority.

Anxiety

5:32am.
No you can’t hit snooze.
Grab your phone.
Facebook says everyone is fine. Get up.
Where are your slippers?
Where are your fucking slippers!?
More people shot today; more hate and fear on tv.
Choke ’em back, go get dressed.
Look at you. You haven’t looked yet.
You don’t wanna look.
The scale fucking LIES.
The news fucking LIES.
Fuck these damn pants!
You guess you like this skirt instead.
OH SHIT! You lost track of time.
IDIOT.
Better hang your head and make the late call.
You’ve been fucking up a lot recently.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING. I am human. I am worthy. I am always learning. I am always enough.

-M

Love Letter

Dear Angela,

This isn’t the first letter that I’m writing to you and I know it is not the last. I can’t stop writing to you, because that is who I am- boy desperately in love with you, so full of words and poems for you. My emotions are too big, I can’t tame them in myself, I need to at least put them on the paper. You remember who I was when we first met? Just a reckless boy which shameless broke too many hearts. And you were so pure. I remember you were making me smile. But I don’t remember which moment was when I start wishing you were mine. I didn’t want to posses you. I wanted to you belong to me volunteering and endlessly. And I wanted to I belong to you. I fall in love, I don’t know when, maybe some early morning at 4AM while I didn’t want to sleep because talking to you was just prettier than any dream. You made me shiver without even touching me, with just couple of sweet words. And in middle of madness, loving you is what bringing me peace.

In the nights when I don’t have you, I still don’t regret. I would do all again, in a heart beat. The way you made me feel is worth of every hurt. I’m just hopping that I made you feel at least half same.

Forever yours,
Bruno

The Truth

You left me. You left my love because your parents told you they’d shun you from their love if you didn’t. As if being gay is still taboo.

I’m a parent’s dream for their kid: good job, good pay, paid off my car, I don’t do drugs, I’m living on my own, I cook, clean, and repair things, I’m 23 and paid my way through a foreign country, I speak multiple languages, have a degree, great with kids and all I want is their daughter to be happy and safe. That’s my priority. Why wouldn’t you want your kid with someone like that?

I remember when we met, it was like one of those movie scenes. Time stops with you, and it feels like we are the only two people in the world. I have never loved anyone more in my life. I know it hurts you as much as it hurts me to stop this. The world accepts us and sees our love is pure. Just not your world. I wish your parents loved you enough to love who you loved.

I’m not sure how to let you go. It feels like having to decide between losing my arm or my leg. I will always want you to be part of my life. You told me to find someone who is like you but willing to fight for me. My heart has never hurt more to hear that. I know i will be ok. I’m just not ready to let you go yet.

Love Letter

Your beauty could start a war, and I’d be the first one fighting. I remember the first time I met you and your blue eyes and bad knee. It felt like up until I met you I’d been stumbling. I wanted to study the geography of your skin, I wanted your love to wash over me like the weather. I don’t think theres a word for how I feel towards you. I would be yours if you asked. Theres no one on this earth I’d rather be with at two in the morning or two in the afternoon. Theres no one I’d rather stay up all night dancing with, no one I’d rather wake up next to. I would spend all my time with you if I could. You’re the sound a dress makes when it twirls, you’re late night drives, you’re coffee in the morning, you’re anything that anyone could ever aspire to be. Maybe it’s something in you lips that I’ve never kissed, maybe it’s something in your touch that I’ve never felt, maybe it’s the way you say “I love you” that I’ve never heard. Whatever it is, I pray you never lose it. At the end of the day I hope you know I love you even if I could never say it. I hope that you’re back in your hotel room after a day spent chasing your dreams, I hope your listening to all your favorite songs and I hope you’re not lonely. I hope you remember I love you forever and always where ever you go. I hope you know I would swim over oceans for you.

-Samantha Sullivan

Scatter the Ashes of Our Love For Me One More Time

Write about me, you said
But how can I when I don’t know
How the syllables of my name would sound
And taste
On your tongue?

I was in love with a boy like you once
He had your eyes, your soft face
A smile that lit up a thousand streets and
Brought people out from the houses to bask in
It’s brightness

A boy who changed the weather;
A sunrise on the cloudiest morning
Who looked at me like I was the solution
To every problem he’d ever had
The missing piece
Of the puzzled life he was trying so hard to fit together

There was something different
About him from the rest
Maybe it was the way his hands
Were matches and set alight
Every part of my body
And I let myself burn and burn and burn
For him and only
Him

I know that you won’t make me burn, but darling I wish you would.

-Amy Beecham

To see more from Amy, visit her blog The Girl and the Words or her Twitter page.

Love Letter

JP,

Ours isn’t an orthodox ‘love’. I can’t say that from the moment I met you I knew you’d be my heart’s content. I can barely recall the events of that fateful evening other than the liquid courage that got me to put my lips on yours.

But you… Your smile is literal sunshine to my soul. Seeing those bright, white teeth always makes my worst day better. I try so hard to fight it but your voice, sexy and sultry, makes my heart beat race and my knees weak. Being in your presence, simply looking at your entire being is enough for me.

I hate how you’re always trying to act tough; it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, to be fragile. You pull me in the most when you’re genuine and you bare your raw emotions. I don’t want you to be ashamed of who you are.

When I’m not daydreaming, I’m night-thinking of what we could be, although I’m constantly interrupted by obstacles that my paranoia foresees. Or your riddles and roundabouts when it comes to showing affection. If you have any feelings for me then tell me honestly.

“It’s dangerous to need someone that much. You’re trying to save him and he’s hoping you can. You two are a disaster.” Occasionally I feel like any future for us is destined to fail; but if you’re ready and willing I would fully devote myself to you.

Just say the words and I am yours.

-Shecantgo

To read more of her work, you can visit her blog Turquoise Lily Pad.

Beautiful

I wish I could show your heart all the ways I think of you during the day. I wish I could take the load on your shoulders and put it on mine so that you could rest awhile. I wish I could do whatever it is that you need to be made whole. I wish I could let you see through my eyes what I see when I look at you, then, maybe you’d love the beautiful person that you are.

–Lee Brown

Love Letter

I’m so in love with you, and I don’t know how to not love you. I met you a year and seven months ago and every single one of those days I loved you and I will continue to love you until I know in my heart I don’t love you anymore. When we were a thing or what not, I would talk about you to my best friend all the time. She would tell me to shut up sometimes because I could go on and on and on and on about you. I’ve never in my life met anyone quite like you. To this day in still so infatuated with you. You never seize to amaze me. everything about you I’m so in love with. I think about you so much during the day it’s not even funny. Something someone would say or even a certain smell would make me think about you: wondering if you’re happy, if you’re ok and who’s making you happier than I did, more importantly, if you still loved me and if there was ever going to be another chance with us. I think about all of that all the time.

You are the only guy that has ever made me feel the way you do. You could break my heart and I would still have nothing but positive things to say about you. That’s how I knew I loved you. I stated to make excuses For you when I knew somewhere deep down that you don’t deserve me… but I felt like I deserved you and that’s what hurts. Some days I will go to your contact and start to write a message, but at the last second I would delete it because you might actually be really happy with a significant other. I pray every day for you and that you are genuinely happy with life, even if I’m not apart of it. I didn’t want to mess that up and take a chance if there wasn’t one with us. Other days, I tell myself that when the times right, it’ll happen. I always wish that you will text me randomly and tell me you love me and ask if I thought there was a chance because I always think about me asking you if we had a chance and me always thinking about if we did start over how much better I would try and make it and how happy I would be. I love you. I will forever.